Welcome Back Old love

We ordered for a ‘Kindle E -reader’ from Amazon for his birthday; he couldn’t wait for it to arrive! We both love books so it seemed like a pretty smart idea (and I was feeling so smug for suggesting it). So we waited and waited and tracked every stop the DHL package made. We got cross over how long it took to reach India. We checked updates on the web, calculated the time and date and waited some more. I could sense him jumping out of his skin; boys and their toys, I’ll never understand. We talked about how cool it would be not to have to lug around tons of old books, we could just delete them! It would be so efficient; we would have more storage space in the house and the BEST part, (drumrolls, drumrolls) there would be absolutely no tearing and falling apart of favorite books!

My heart breaks a little when that happens.

Anyway, it was a grand thought how Kindle would improve our reading lives. We even had these fantasies of lolling on the hammock on a sun drenched beach devouring a favorite story on the NEW Kindle as the blue water lapped up sandy white shores, err…oh wait; I think that one was mine; I get carried away sometimes. Well we even exchanged profound thoughts on how we would never ever have to spend money on books that would be read a few times over in our lifetime! Kindle had free classics eBooks to be downloaded; I was mightily pleased since I loved Classics, now I wouldn’t have to go hunting at dilapidated old bookstores. (I kind of forgot it was actually ‘his’ birthday gift) oops!

So finally the day came when his Kindle would arrive; we were like two monkeys on hot bricks. He wasn’t home so he kept calling and asking the whole time if it had arrived and finally to my relief it did!  An ordinary DHL guy delivered ‘the sacred package ‘in very ordinary brown box and I was a little disappointed. Wasn’t it supposed to be a little ‘out of this world’ shine or something? I got over my little lapse in our joint excitement and packed the box in pretty gift wrapper and kept it on the dining table for him to open when he came home. I kept myself busy lest I gave into the temptation to open it first. Later when he opened the package he wouldn’t  even let me look at it properly! He did all sorts of geeky stuff and downloaded tons of books and disappeared for hours in the bathroom or in the corner of the couch, lost to the world. I was forgotten! I got a little jealous at all the attention the Kindle was getting. Well it was a good purchase after all!

It was November then, time passed as it always does, and by December the novelty wore off. I kind of adopted the Kindle and read tons; then even I started pottering towards the old book shelf at home and then more frequently.Yesterday I was arranging things in the house and I found the ‘Kindle’ lonesome and dusty on a corner table. If it had feelings it would probably be seeing a quack by this time for the utter cold neglect and  lack of attention it was getting these days.

This week,my nose is mostly into one of his old books, ‘Norwegian Woods ‘by Haruki Murakami and I love the yellowed pages and the musty smell, I love turning the pages and making it all dog eared. At the breakfast table, we are discussing Murakami and he says he wants this new book by the same author and we say almost in unison, “Books are better anyway! We can hold them and touch them and crimp them and tear them and keep them on the shelf for collection!”

Well Kindle Goodbye! and welcome back old love…

The Flowers Of War

The flowers of War poster

‘The Flowers of War’ is a beautiful memento from Yimou Zhang; Chinese film director, producer, writer, actor, and former cinematographer. This wonderful film had me engaged me in helpless disturbia at the senselessness of war,the flimsily concealed natural cruelty of man lying  latent until a vent, a crack or an excuse is found to spew forth from ; such is the case in most wars to this very day. When it comes down to survival, the most cultured will turn into cruel scavenging vultures and ruthless killers in the survival of the fittest.

After watching this film, I really did not want to hate the Japanese because I have always associated them with gentle cherry blossoms and fields of glowing fireflies but I did; fervently. Then in my lucid moments I absolved them in my mind justifying that the Germans did worse and so many others; it’s not about a particular race, it’s about people in general, drugged on power and a feeling of  invincibility. If you have watched this movie you will understand when I tell you that this film had me in serious stress knots and filled me with uncontainable sorrow. What I gained was a respect for human courage and ingenuity in the face of paralyzing adversity.

I would not call this one just a movie for it to fall into the heap of other trivial silver screen releases; ‘The Flowers Of War’ is a piece of rare art and exceptional exquisiteness right from its direction to its performance and cinematography. This historical war drama is shot mostly in Nan Jing Hua dialect (local accent mandarin) and some English. It tells of the bitter tale of the true incidents which took place during the fall of Nanking at the hands of the Japanese in the second Sino-Japanese war, 1937. It portrays the horrendous crimes of war committed by the Japanese which is also referred to as the ‘The Rape of Nanking. This film is based on the novel ‘The 13 Women of Nanjing’ by Geling Yan which tells the extraordinary  tale of 13 Chinese prostitutes and their brave sacrifice in offering to exchange places with the little Chinese students from a missionary convent who were to be taken as ‘virgin escorts’ by the high ranking  perverse Japanese officials.

The one thing that stands out in this masterpiece is the understated yet extraordinary performance of its full cast; the convent students, the stubborn faithful little boy who is charged the difficult task of  looking after them, the American mortician in disguise as a priest and the exotic beauties of Nanking. After watching this film, I developed a new admiration for the Chinese actors of this era; I had to, there was nothing mediocre about them; only gracefulness,exotic beauty and pure undiluted talent. Though Christina Bale is as spectacular as ever, the beauty of the film comes in its portrayal of the legendary exotic women (prostitutes) of Nanking who transform from their worldly ways into willing graceful creatures ,epitomizing sacrifice in its purest form. This film will draw at your heartstrings like no ROM-com ever has or ever can. It has a distinct bittersweet aftertaste but I loved every scrap of it.

I leave you with  this beautiful song sung by the Beauties of Nanking  who were of soiled reputations but  immaculate in their hearts. They sing  of the elegance of Nanking as what it was before the Japanese turned it into a land of rape, pillage and butchery.They sing when Nanking is falling…..

I have a story to tell

And let me put it into song

I hope every one of you

Can listen to me patiently

Allow me to sing the legend of Quin Huai river

Slowly and passionately

For each one of you…

Ever since the ancient era

The river has been flowing gracefully

It is the beauty of the south

The elegance of Nanking

Walk in the famous Zhan palace

Enjoy the spectacular architecture

Look at the colony of cranes

With water rippling all around

What a paradise this is….

Epiphany

The color of crayons  and fragrant china pencils

The murmur of school time sounds

Grade three

the kind teacher I liked so much

‘Misha’ with an apple hedgehog

recipe

Fables and snow from far off lands

‘Matuska’ dolls  and Russian red cheeks

Library time was a dreamers place

silver fish and moth eaten ,

heavenly

Open blue skies

like springtime cornflowers

Freshness in the air that was life

Pigtails and friendships

and best friends forever

Young, untouched,

Innocently unwise

Grey school stones

Warmed up by the sun

Crunchy fresh mountains and trees

A sweet lisping classmate

sharing her colors

Giving to the world so generously

Through open windows

the Sunlight gently falling

warming little hands at work

On pencils they nibbled

On notebooks busy scribbled

A drawing, A lesson,

an Epiphany…

The Walk

I went for a walk today,

Fighting procrastination and the city smog,

The morning wasn’t as pretty as I wanted.

The breeze was a blessing

Caressed the grimy concrete world awakening

It rustled the papers on the streets

I made believe they were leaves

Much has time passed

Since I looked at the world earnestly

For fear of being commonplace

Seeing things ordinary

I wanted the world to surprise me

The sweet Gulmohar tree I saw in passing

Burst at the seams with confident vanity

Walkers, brisk

Walked with their own thoughts

Own strides, own paces

Varied like the shades of an October sky

Some in pairs, some solitary

All of them like me

Ordinary

A passing bush

With pink pretty blooms

Sang of a holiday

of a  childhood year

All is not concrete I thought

All is not ordinary

And I  still had some trees for company

Be your Best: A moment of truth

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

Maya Angelou

Many unpleasant things have happened in my life over the years but today thankfully I find I have no regrets even if I was bitter sometime back. I have finally managed to get my life back with the help of God and a dear love I found along the way. An old  friend of mine used to say, “Your life is so eventful!”How right she was; I thought then that she was out of her freaking mind. Truly, Life for me has been eventful even if not in such a fantastic way; I have had my share of highs and lows like everybody. Nothing makes me immune to the things that life throws my way; nothing makes me above everyone else. Life is like a garage sale where sometimes you find good things and sometimes maybe not; but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

When dreadful things were happening to me for a very long time, there was a phase when I used to think, “Why me?”But  the question I should have asked is “Why not me? Why everyone else? What makes me any different from thousands of people who are going through the same shit as me? Self pity never helped anyone, it’s a freaking giant sinkhole and with you it will take all that’s best in you, all that makes you truly special.

Life is at its best when you experience the bad and the good-the sweet, the bitter and the truly sour. It is good to have things breaking in your life one in a while so that you can get the strength and learn to fix it again with your own two hands. Nobody will do that for you. There is no quick fix glue and there is no prince on a white horse to save you from the trolls; there is just you. You and your faith in yourself are your greatest allies. It may sound easy, but many of us who have gone through bad times will know that it takes a great while for you to get back on your feet and be the way you used to be. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger but you may be left with a lot of fixing to do within yourself and that is the greatest challenge of all.

The gradual destruction of the mind and the psyche, the loss of belief , the guilt, the blame, the loneliness, and the loss of faith; years and years of it can make us paralyzed with fear and bitterness. We tend to forget who we are and what our dreams used to be..life wastes away. The survival to get from one day to the other trapped in a situation can take up all the strength that we have, leaving a wreck in the wake.

In the long drawn process of getting back on my feet I  came across a tremendously useful book by Joyce Meyer titled, “Be your Best.” Even though the book speaks through lines dotted with quotes from the Bible as Joyce Meyer is a popular American Christian evangelist and speaker,it is in fact good solid information and inspiration. Though 60 year old Joyce has been widely criticized a lot for her vanity in fashion and jewelry and affluent lifestyle, I’m not really interested in the hype.  For all that we know, she might not even have written a single word in that book; all I’m interested in is the positive message it carries . To hell with whatever it is that people do, who am I to judge?

Here a few pointers from the book in getting to know yourself and being the best that you can be; it touched me and made me start thinking, hope it touches your life too.

1. Be your best-you have the freedom of choice so stop being lazy and cut out the mediocre
2. Discover your true identity- know yourself and start having a relationship with yourself.
3. Look and feel great- take care of yourself mind and body and your health; you are important. Take responsibility for it.
4. De-Stress- make life easier for yourself by simplifying your life and not cribbing about things that don’t really matter in the big picture. Set your priorities right
5. Positivity is powerful- try and be positive, it gives us right perspective and helps us enjoy everyday life.
6. Dare to dream big and change your world.
7. Pray- talk to God, it is simple and powerful
8. Untangle the knots one day at a time- the important thing is  to remember is no matter how long it  takes, never quit
9. Promise yourself that you’ll stop using your problem as a crutch in your life
10. Don’t complain, don’t compare, don’t covet someone else’s life and don’t waste your valuable time wishing things were different.
11. Do not be a people pleaser and definitely not a martyr.
12. And most importantly don’t forget to LAUGH!

Love and prayers to all women..Live your beautiful lives

Sun Tea

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The morning sun

is always tender

its makes my potted fern

golden green

The cares of yesterday

melt in the momentous bliss

as the golden threads

play on my finger tips

The inviting sight,

its charming  light

seems like a beautiful reverie,

The concrete walls

surrounding me,

loses some of its  atrocity.

An empty jar

in a forgotten corner

stands in my kitchen space

Now I long for a little bit

of that sunshine taste.

the tap fills up the waiting jar

the sun falls on my knee

the tea tin waits

with the leaves within

to brew me some Sun tea

I know it will taste

of summers to come

dragonflies , ants

and wafting memories

there will be a smidgen

of times gone by

in my jar of  sun tea…